Ladies: How to win the genuine respect of gentlemen

There are many types of ways people exercise power over others.  For most of human history, the primary methods for doing this were fear or coercion.  Men obeyed orders from their superiors because they were afraid of being punished for disobeying.  Chains of command were set up based on the authority of one person over another, or the ability of one person to punish another.  You can see this in informal prison pecking orders, which are often determined by physical size, toughness, fighting ability, intimidation ability, or organizational popularity or ‘pull’.  The business example of this is the chain of command of the wealthy over the poor in capitalist economies.  The more institutional example of this is Renaissance-era Japanese bushido schools, in which gaining ranks entailed, among other things, learning new knots used to restrain lower-ranking members.  A higher-ranking member of the clan could tie a knot so complicated that the lower ranking members did not have the training to untie it, thus they were made subordinate to the elder’s superior ability.  We also see this in Chinese Kung Fu schools, where the younger fighters lack the techniques in the form of counter-moves to defeat the older masters.
The information privileges of an information society also come into play here, and we see this in the ranks of modern military intelligence as well.  These informational hierarchies are often enforced by ‘rating’.  One who has received tank training is considered ‘rated’ to pilot a tank, as opposed to those who have not received this training, although we do not consider the random person to necessarily be without innate piloting talent just because he hasn’t been trained.  Or ‘clearance’, as in he who has ‘top secret clearance’ is cleared to view secret documents.  Also, in the field, ‘crypto keys’ allow certain people to decode encrypted messages that lower-ranking operatives don’t have the expertise to decipher.  Obviously, ‘information privilege’ can easily be used to run the lives of other people deemed ‘subordinate’, if they are kept in the dark, and subject to a more learned person who has a broader sight of what is really happening in the world at large.

Then, as man became more civilized, empathy and appeals to emotion or ideals (nationalism, pacifism, social justice, religious dogma, even racial or cultural prejudice) became the primary means for control or influence over others.  This is the basis of both pro-social influences (Jesus, Gandhi), and anti-social influences (Hitler).  But even a successful appeal to sympathy doesn’t necessarily entail real respect, as pity entials looking down on someone.  Too often in the modern age, we see that the victims become the victimizers via a social convention I call ‘sympathy privilege’, where a historically oppressed person is given, out of sympathy, the privilege to oppress others.  The best example of this in modern times is the Israel-Palestine conflict.But none of these kinds of power is truly respect.  True respect can only be derived from merit and genuinely pro-social, egalitarian intentions.  So, these are the things one needs to develop in order to win the genuine respect of men, as opposed to the appearance of esteem, feigned for selfish, sycophantic, manipulative purposes.

1.  Don’t play ego games.  Too often, women influence male behavior by assaulting his ego.  “If you were a real man, you would bite the bullet and ask me to dinner at your expense.”  While this may yield results in the form of eliciting the desired behavior in the target male, it will not win our respect.  We already take enough of this kind of manipulative crap from other men, especially our fathers.  So the last thing a man is going to find mentally attractive is a woman who sounds like his father, his boss, or the guy who bullied him in junior high.

Playing ego games will also set off a man’s ‘whore alarm’, because these are the kinds of tactics commonly used by whores.  If a man walks by a row of whores, and turns down their propositions, they will often attack his sense of self-worth in order to elicit a predictable reaction in the form of an attempt to prove them wrong.  “You must be broke, impotent, or gay if you don’t want to pay for sex,” they will imply.  Since sex addicts are people who have low self-esteem, and thus seek esteem from others, this is the kind of rhetoric that prostitutes use to exploit men, not just on the street, but in nightclubs, on Facebook, and even in workplace environments.

Also, trying to make a man jealous may yield immediate results, but will often ultimately breed resentment.  Having witnessed many polyamorous relationships, I have often found that they are fueled by jealousy competitions over who has slept with who’s friends.  But only a low-caliber of man will fall for this, as a smarter man will simply stop caring about a woman who plays these kinds of games, believing her to be of inferior character.  Even if this one-upmanship is non-sexual in nature (I have a nicer car/house/clothes than you), it will still cause the more idealistic man to think that your priorities and values are out of whack.

2.  Cultivate power over yourself, not others.  A manipulative person can make someone do something for him; a skilled person can do it for himself.  This is the difference between social, financial, or systemic power, and genuine capability.  Men respect people who are highly capable and do things for themselves, rather than weaseling someone else into doing the dirty work or figuring out the details.  It is commonly believed by men that women tend to have more social power than practical capabilities, and this causes us to look down on them, in the same way that a skilled technical worker might look down on an incompetent manager.

In the same way that a gluttonous, oppressive, exploitative rich man is not as genuinely respected as a poorer man with self-control, capabilities that go beyond writing checks to get things done, and down-to-Earth practicality, a woman who gets everything done via coercive or manipulative means will not be as respected as a woman who does things for herself.  Don’t abuse your social capital, or the power you have will be hollow, and more feared than respected.

3.  Develop your mind and capabilities.  Everyone has to have an intellectual pursuit, even if we all have different intellectual pursuits.  In the same way that a person who doesn’t exercise or eat right will get fat and physically unattractive, a person who doesn’t challenge their mind or immerse themselves in information they find interesting will have an undeveloped, lazy, ignorant mind which is not mentally attractive.  Among highly intelligent men, there is a fear of the rarity of romantic partners who are truly on our level, mentally.  By relying too much on their appearances to get by, some women curse themselves to be perceived as sex objects, who ‘aren’t relationship material’, not because of some physical defect, but simply because they are unable to carry on a high-level conversation, and truly relate to the man on his intellectual level, as an equal.

You don’t necessarily have to have the same intellectual interests as a man.  Some people have musical knowledge, mechanical knowledge, computer knowledge, literary knowledge, cultural/anthropological knowledge, natural science knowledge, etc…  But what we are generally looking for in a serious relationship is someone who has equal intellectual depth, even if it is in a totally different area of expertise than our own.  Something interesting to discuss during the 90% of a relationship that exists between sexy times.  Knowledge and ability will make us respect your mind as opposed to just being into you for your body.

If a man doesn’t respect the particular intellectual pursuit you have chosen, don’t change to accommodate him.  Find people who do respect your choices of interest.
When I was studying neuroscience, there was a woman in my class who was undisputably the head of the class.  A key skill of neuroanatomy is to recognize obscurely-defined shapes in the brain, and be able to recall their hard-to-pronounce German names, because they were named after the scientist who discovered them.  She was the best at this, and no male students thought less of her as a woman for this, or less of themselves as men.  Intelligence and rationality are not exclusively male traits.
When I got in trouble with the law for cultivating psychedelic mushrooms, it was a female lawyer who got me probation instead of prison time, via the compassion of a female judge.  These are the kinds of women I respect: women whose capabilities meet or exceed my own.  Women who are impartial enough to recognize a victim in need of help, as tempted as they are by their own bias to condemn him as a villain.  But I certainly won’t respect a whiny, mediocre, 22-year old liberal arts drop-out who demands to be compensated for her incompetence.

4.  Think independently.  Even if a million people believed that 2+2=5, that would not make it so.  The collective will of a million people’s intentions cannot change lead into gold, make a poorly-designed airplane fly without crashing, or make badly-written software work properly.  No amount of wishful intentions will change reality for the better without practical action.  Though our perceptions are malleable, reality is objective.  Often, women, who tend to be more social, democratic, and consensus-minded, are perceived by men as having a hive mind.  They tend to communicate with eachother more than men do, which can make their misperceptions contagious, and hence, women can sometimes universally agree upon conclusions which are actually wrong.  This cultivated mass delusion can often cause devastating social injustices, for both men AND women.

5.  Be straightforward, not deceptive.  Talk TO people, not ABOUT them.  Don’t avoid confrontation, ostensibly to ‘keep the peace’, even as you secretly make social war.  Men often feel as though women conspire against them, others, even eachother, by passive-aggressively talking behind their backs instead of confronting men with their issues and disputes.  Once again, rather than an appeal to genuine capability, this is an appeal to social power, and men don’t respect that.  Even if the group is collectively, synergistically stronger than the individual, if the group’s component members are weaker than the individual, he will not respect the group any more combined than he would as individuals.

Too often, men find that women shit-talk behind the back, and often this is misinformation designed to hurt someone, or secrets kept in order to keep someone in the dark to a truth that might change their behavior or outlook on life.  We consider this sneaky, underhanded, and not fair play.  You may win via these methods, but you will not be respected ultimately, and thus, your victory might be fleeting.

6.  Abandon gender roles.  One thing an open-minded person hates is when people confirm, rather than defy stereotypes.  So don’t be a stereotypical girl!  Not only does confirming the female gender role make us lose faith in any open-minded gender egalitarian ideals we may have, but letting the circumstance of being born a woman reduce you to certain roles isn’t fair to you!  At the same time, don’t hold men to stereotypical gender roles, either.  We don’t like being expected to fulfill ‘man duties’ like fixing the computer or taking the aggressive lead in romance any more than women like being held to the roles of a cook or a maid.

7.  Don’t be afraid to fail or be criticized.  Everyone who tries to do anything is bad at it at first.  Everyone is a poser when they don’t know the ropes of the game they have chosen to play, and all they have is their aspirations.  Just think about this Dave Grohl quote:

“Musicians should go to a yard sale and buy and old fucking drum set and get in their garage and just suck. And get their friends to come in and they’ll suck, too. And then they’ll fucking start playing and they’ll have the best time they’ve ever had in their lives and then all of a sudden they’ll become Nirvana.”

Sometimes women are too afraid of judgment to try something new.  But notice how male communities (the healthy ones anyway) support eachother when first starting out, especially if we have similar tastes or aspirations.  A more experienced musician might support a newcomer even though he is less skilled than those better established.  Computer programmers mentor eachother.  So do car mechanics.  Although some businesses can be very competitive or territorial, everyone respects a productive person more than someone who doesn’t even try.  The important thing is to put forth an effort, and most men will respect that even if your effort doesn’t have the support of a well-established personal skill.  Most advances skill sets are developed through a series of failures and lessons learned.

So thicken your skin!  Don’t let constructive criticism or even back-handed derision keep you from learning and improving at whatever endeavors you have decided to undertake.  Otherwise, you are confirming a ‘women are emotionally weak’ stereotype, and that will encourage additional disrespect from males.  And realize that, as much as men value support, we also value critical thought!  If a musician records something and it sounds bad, he wants to be made aware of what’s wrong with it so he can improve!  This is preferable to being laughed at behind the back or publicly embarrassed.  And when you unquestioningly support someone, this sometimes isn’t helping them if they are wrong in their opinions or behavior, such as when overweight people are enabled when they are told ‘you look perfectly healthy’.  By limiting a person’s exposure to only supportive dogma, not only are you aiding in brainwashing them, but you are leaving them wide open to a public pwning when they can’t defend their ideas in a healthy debate.

8.  Don’t make everything about sex.  Often when expressing masculist refutations of extreme feminism or even when disputing women on topics totally unrelated to social issues, men are met with the response, ‘Oh yeah, well you just think that because you aren’t getting laid!’  or ‘You’re never going to get laid if you keep advocating for male rights!  You need to abandon your perspective, no matter how legitimate it is, and instead tow the feminist line!  Only then will we scratch your back.’  This sexual-intellectual quid pro quo is not an argumentative tactic that men respect, as it is a fallacy in the form of an irrelevant ad hominem and a bad attempt at sexual bribery and sexual coercion.  By implying inadequacy in a man’s sex life, abilities, or lack thereof, women are only confirming that sexual gatekeeping and romantic judgment are the only powers they have, and powers that are often poorly wielded at that.  Also, don’t project a sexual intention onto any male who approaches you.  Maybe we have no interest in sex with you, or don’t even know you well enough to even be thinking along those lines.  Maybe we just want to be your friend right now, and maybe sexual intentions will never come into play.

This is the female equivalent of Beavis and Butthead saying, ‘that’s what she said’.  It simply isn’t appropriate to bring sex into certain discussions.  Also, if you want to take revenge upon a man who has offended you, don’t mess with his social life as a means of doing so!  This is, once again, a very typical abuse of female social power, and there is nothing novel or exemplary about it.  It’s a juvenile tactic that is only respected by other juvenile people, and yet it happens all the time!  Instead, best him in a positive way, by being highly capable, hopefully more capable than him, in some regard.

9.  Innovate, don’t imitate.  Remember how I discussed the Chinese Kung Fu School technique-based chains of command earlier?  Well, there were some especially gifted students who were able to upset these chains of command with innovation or precociousness!  In other words, they would independently figure out advanced techniques on their own, without being taught, or, better yet, they might even invent entirely new styles that were highly effective against existing techniques.  At this point, these prodigies were not merely learning kung fu from their elders, but they were actually contributing to hand-to-hand combat theory and technique…  and that will win the respect of both your peers and your elders.

10.  Romantically, have high/specific standards and guard yourself.  But at the same time be open-minded and as unsuperficial and non-materialistic as comfort and reasonable standard of living allows.  Be willing to entertain strange notions, but not necessarily follow them all the way home.  Above all, don’t lead men on as a means of juicing them, because no one respects a tease or a gold-digging materialist.  Don’t exploit someone for being attracted to you.  At a certain point in every would-be romantic relationship, you have to tell them yes or no, rather than using ambiguity to benefit from a drawn-out and ultimately unfruitful courtship process.  But at the same time, keep in mind, the fewer people you let get close to you, the more a man will value your intimacy.  I qualify that statement by saying I have no idea how that works for polyamorists, because I am very far from that persuasion, personally.

11.  Don’t abuse liberal/feminist rhetoric, or people will stop believing in it, and in YOU.  One of the reasons Hitler is so reviled as one of history’s greatest villains is that he abused liberal rhetoric.  He told everyone what they wanted to hear, ideas that sounded good and probably would have been good had he followed through on them.  Then, when the people put him in power, he did things completely differently than he promised.  This actually discredited socialism in the minds of many, as even though Hitler’s actions were not those of a true socialist, socialism was the false flag he flew while committing his terrible crimes against humanity.

In a similar way, many women fly a false flag of gender egalitarianism-oriented feminism, when in fact they are acting sexistly or misandristically.  Often, they use idealistic dogma to rationalize pathological behavior.  This does not lend any credit to either them or their professed cause.  Using liberal ideals to generate power over others for sinister purposes is a low tactic, and will not win genuine respect.  Don’t mistake female chauvinism for genuine feminism!  Don’t abuse privilege politics, or refuse to acknowledge that there are under-privileged white men and over-privileged black females!

Don’t turn every personal dispute into a political battle!  Pick your battles wisely, instead of making a big deal over something trivial, like a scientist’s shirt.  And most of all, don’t be afraid to admit you are wrong just because you think admitting you are wrong will damage the credibility of an unrealistic feminist ideal.

12.  Don’t blame men for all your problems, or refuse to acknowledge that women can be the source of problems, for both themselves AND others, too!  Instead realize that, in modern society, both men AND women are systemically oppressed and exploited, albeit in different ways, because we have different tastes, needs, and are in different positions, socially.  This system cannot be properly called ‘patriarchy’ anymore, because there are so many women at high levels who have sold out to it for selfish gains at the expense of others, and so many men are at the bottom, being victimized, simply because we refuse to go along.

Also, support the men who resist this system, not the men who support it.  A man’s wealth is no badge of honor if it was stolen via exploitative or oppressive means.  A poor man’s principles and ideals should be more respected.

13.  Don’t be overly-materialistic.  Materialists, whether male or female, are not likely to be seen as having integrity.  Remember that it takes two entities to make fascism work:  The materially rich who use their wealth to control the lives of others, and the person who values material things enough to allow themselves to be controlled via such petty means.

Although the stereotype is that men have more financial privilege than women in general, some of them don’t.  In a specific comparison of one particular man to one particular woman, she might actually be more financially over-privileged than him, depending upon things like family background and social opportunity.  So holding this against them either way is a lose-lose setup for men.  Either we are financially over-privileged, which implies tyranny and exploitation, or we don’t have the money we are expected to have, and this implies inadequacy.

Where’s YOUR money?  In today’s economy and social order, you are just as capable of getting out there and making it as we are.  Men respect women who provide for themselves more than they respect women who manipulate others into providing for them.  To many women, most men are either Patrick Bateman from American psycho, or a scrub, and either way, we lose.

14.  Acknowledge your social privilege, and the lack of similar privilege among most males.  It is not the nature of western society for men to have social power.  No one is pursuing us, asking us out, or trying to win our approval or friendship.  We are in constant competition with eachother, and this can often be detrimental to us individually, and counter-productive.  This can actually negatively affect our career opportunities, especially in industries heavily influenced by beauty privilege, like show business, where women are given their jobs based on looks, and men are forced to play supporting roles for lower pay, in the form of writing scripts or music for more attractive performers.  Most men are not inherently attractive creatures, nor do existing social conventions encourage men to play a passive romantic role, or women to play an aggressive role.  Men have to prove ourselves through merit, not social privilege.  The days of rule via divine right, social privilege, or even inherited capital are coming to an end.  The future is meritocracy.

15.  Don’t flake out.  Have your shit together.  Don’t let others down.  If you say you are going to be there at 9AM with a finished presentation, be there at 9AM with the finished presentation.  If you say you got five on it, have five on it.  No excuses, lies, games, or blame-shifting.

16.  Don’t ‘sell yourself’, be yourself.  Don’t tell men what you think we want to hear in order to have relationships or friendships with us.  Instead, be yourself independent of male approval.  Good men would rather know where they truly stand with someone than have a fake relationship, for utilitarian purposes, based on deliberately fabricated false impressions.

17.  Don’t play men against eachother.  Men have enough social challenges without you seducing our friends and turning them against us.  I say this as a middle-aged man who has lost nearly all of his friends due to women coming between us, despite the fact that I have NEVER done this to any woman or her friends.  Again, it’s a very common tactic, and most men lose respect for any woman who uses it, even if they are the one receiving her sexual benefits at the moment.  You are abusing male desperation caused by a general sexual strike being perpetrated against males by females.  Manipulating courts and police with lies so that you can benefit from their systemically applied force also falls into this category.  The woman who manipulates men to be violent or exercise tyrannical force on her behalf is no more honorable than the man who is violent.  Not spurring unproductive or destructive competition for female approval amongst males kind of goes along with #1, not playing ego games.

18.  Don’t use your reproductive powers to oppress and exploit men.  Again, this is typical, ghetto in a Maury Povich way, and no one respects it.  The problem with reproductive rights is that it takes two to make a baby, but only the female has the power to terminate or carry the pregnancy to term, and the man gets stuck with the bill either way. Most people agree that the consequences of one’s personal choices should be one’s own responsibility, and yet there is no clear way to apply this principle to the reproductive process. There are many men who have disagreed with their partner’s choice one way or another, and yet they are stuck with the consequences.

Also, the fact that the female gender is solely legally responsible for the decision to bring more people in the world should put culpability for overpopulation in their hands alone. And yet many women would rather blame horny men than the maternal instinct for the unsustainable growth in human population.  You may get a child support check every month for playing these kinds of games, but you will not get respect.  Recognize that the more people you choose to put into the world, the less there is to go around for all of us.  Creating children does not necessarily create wealth, despite the impression that government subsidization might create, especially if they are poorly raised and grow up to be leechy losers.

19.  Don’t be afraid of a truly equal relationship.  I have been single now for over three years.  As an older gentlemen with high standards born of bad past romantic experiences, I have only met a handful of women I really wanted to date in that time.  But they all seemed to be pre-occupied with men who were beneath them.  It seemed to me that being the one in charge, either explicitly or via subterfuge, was more important to them than having a genuine relationship with a true equal.  Empowerment through dominance will never be as rewarding to you as empowerment through synergy.
20.  Acknowledge that, just as there are situations where you are the most knowledgeable and hence the most qualified to give orders, there are also situations where a man might hold this position by merit.  I’m sure that many women will see this list as a ‘list of demands’ or some oppressive code exerted against them by men.  Refusing to follow pragmatically-justified orders just because they come from a man and you style yourself a feminist is akin to the anarchist who runs a stoplight merely because he doesn’t want to be told what to do.  This is a clear cut case of impractical ideology being prioritized over pragmatism.  Even though we are all equal, there are plenty of situations in which a man (or woman) is operationally in charge, and should be.  In the same way that a man in grad school should respect a female PhD, there are plenty of situations in which a woman should respect a man’s superior expertise and wisdom, simply because she is less well-versed in the topic at hand than he.  Operationally, every boat needs a captain, and as much as we all want to be thought of as having control over our lives, it’s probably a good idea to obey traffic signals, in order to avoid getting run over.
21.  Don’t be so biased that you lose your objectivity, or are afraid to acknowledge an inconvenient truth.  So often liberals are fighting so hard against stereotypes that we are unwilling to call out the person who fulfills them.  While it is wrong to call a woman ‘whore’ simply for embracing her sexuality, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t call a whore a whore.  Prostitution is a dirty, insidious, racket managed from the shadows, via social subterfuge, and it exploits both genders equally.  But when someone attacks prostitution, every john will deny that such a thing even exists, and feminists will tow the line.  But this isn’t addressing the social problems caused by sexual exploitation.  Sexual slavery is not anything a civilized person likes to see, and yet so often, prostitution is the path of least resistance for young women.  Their community gives them the resources to do whatever they want, and yet they choose to become whores of some kind, out of laziness or greed. The more you consider sex as compensation, a way to repay debts or fulfill obligations, or a way out of trouble, the more you leave yourself wide open to being called a whore.
‘Fairness’ doesn’t necessarily mean what is best for women.  ‘Fairness’ more often entails solutions to social problems which are mutually amicable, and don’t entail imbalance.  So consider these problems from all angles, and not just your own limited perspective.  Acknowledge your bias and work to improve it.  Don’t ignore valid information just because it contradicts your preconceived notions.  Approach life with the same rationality a scientist would have: unattached to his or her own ideas, and instead more concerned with finding the objective truth.
22.  Respect the need for cognitive liberty as you fight for sexual liberty.  If the right to control your body is important to you, so should the right to control your brain.  And yet feminist presence at rallies for reproductive rights is always so much greater than feminist presence at anti-prohibition or NORML meetings.  News flash: sexual liberty is hollow and meaningless without cognitive liberty.  Just as you do not appreciate the efforts of the system to control your vagina, many people do not appreciate the efforts of the system to control our brains, which regulate ALL human behavior, including sexual behavior.  So often sexual exploitation is disguised or sold as sexual liberty.  And a woman who chooses to employ mind-altering substances is more likely to get exploited, sexually and financially, by the government, than by her dealers and fellow enthusiasts.
23.  Don’t confuse ‘equality’ with ‘interchangeability’.  Though we may all have equal rights, we do not all have equal capabilities.  You wouldn’t give a 5-year old the keys to a nuclear weapon by way of naive ideals that purport everyone is equal, even those who lack training or expertise, so don’t think of one man or woman as ‘just as good as the next’.  We all have superiors and inferiors in one regard or another.  And never make the mistake of thinking that true equality can be systemically bestowed upon someone.  Just as Jello Biafra once said, ‘Don’t HATE the media, BE the media,’ don’t DEMAND equality, ACHIEVE equality.
24.  Don’t confuse ‘enabling a victim complex’ with ‘blaming the victim’.  We see this in the legal system all the time.  If a woman is violent, so often the system takes pity on her, and let’s her off the hook in the name of ‘not blaming the victim‘, or the person who was driven to bad behavior via previous abuse by others.  But if a man commits the same crime and tries to play the victim card, the system says he has a ‘victim complex‘ that ‘shouldn’t be enabled.  Maybe this is part of the reason why men get longer prison sentences for the same crimes, relative to women.  Besides the fact that women’s beauty privilege causes them to elicit more sympathy than ugly, rough-looking men.  Just because those with victim complexes are often victim blamers, that doesn’t mean we should assume that everyone who claims to be a victim has a victim complex.
25.  Don’t project your own weakness onto others.  Not everyone has the same problems you have, even if they are in the same situation.  Some people create bad situations for themselves, but others are legitimately victims of society.  So it is not appropriate to assume that someone is the source of their own problems just because you have caused similar problems for yourself.  Acknowledge that men are not always at fault for their situations, just as females are often blameless victims.  So it’s not appropriate to assume that others have the same personal deficiencies you have, even if they happen to be in a similar situation.
26.  Don’t misperceive men via stereotypical assumptions.  We know you don’t like it when this is done to you, and we don’t like it when it is done to us, either.  Don’t think you understand men just because you have understood a man.  We are all unique snowflakes.  Don’t think that all men want is casual sex, or that men have no emotions.  We do have emotions, and they are just as valid as yours.  And if you sexually exploit a man when you know he wants a serious relationship, this is just as bad as a man doing the same to you.  Not all male rights advocates are hypersexual, violent lunatics.  There are middle grounds and shades of grey between everything, so judge people as individuals, not groups.  Don’t mistakenly indulge in the fallacy of false dichotomy: that men are either with you or against you.  Most men are more complicated and nuanced than common stereotypes propagated by common female misconceptions.
27.  Don’t be a hypocrite who applies double standards to others.  Any standard that can be applied to a man’s behavior can be applied to a woman’s behavior as well.  Keeping in mind that gender differences can cause us to have different values, priorities, weaknesses, and advantages.  The Golden Rule is widely acknowledged to be a failure, because everyone wants something different, or may have to use different means to achieve the same goal.  And men understand that women may need more help in some ways and less help in others.  But seriously, the other day, a female friend told me that I ‘overthink romance’ and this makes me ‘unapproachable’.  Can you imagine if I had said this to a woman?  ‘You think too much and it makes you unattractive.’  This is the EXACT SAME KIND OF SEXISM that men used to apply to feminists, 50 years ago.  It is almost as if women have become the very monsters they originally set out to fight.
28.  The goal of the gender egalitarian society should be to give everyone the same experience.  This means teaching men and women the same, not differently.  This means propping a woman up to a man’d level when she needs it, and a man up to a woman’ level when he needs it.  I say this as a man who was raised in a social environment where men were taught differently than women: Women were taught to guard themselves and have high standards, and men were taught to ‘not be superficial or closed-minded’, and ‘take whatever they can get’, and this has resulted in a whole generation of under-confident men who have been jilted and exploited by women with inflated senses of self worth.
Never was I told that some women are abusive liars, who will ruin your life, drag you down, or waste your time.  No one wanted to put those kinds of preconceived notions in my head.  Everyone was too afraid to be politically incorrect.  And yet these same people were in a different room, telling women how evil and pervy men are.
At the same time, women never seem to want to acknowledge that many of them have a far higher standard of living or quality of life than most men, especially in the West (America and Europe).  This is simply dishonest and exploitative.
And that’s it.  I’d like to re-iterate that, while I feel that rights should be a given (including the rights to medical care, employment, food, and shelter), true respect and the genuine esteem of one’s peers must be earned.  And don’t confuse fear or coercion-based power with genuine respect.  Finally, I will make the female community my promise as a gentleman to uphold my end of all these commandments, and so would many other men, although I cannot speak for all men.

About nonya beeznas

A little light in the darkness. View all posts by nonya beeznas

4 responses to “Ladies: How to win the genuine respect of gentlemen

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